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The Nothingness, Creatures of Abyss and The Book.

Thursday, October 10, 2013 | 9:27 PM | 0 flower(s)

Sometimes, randomly during any time of the day, my mind goes blank and my conscious fades.

I would sense myself floating away from reality of algebraic numbers and unrequited feelings and I would find in my hands, a slightly dusty, slightly wrinkly book; with no backbone, just two thin ropes, tying everything together in one messy bundle.

I would run over the golden words that are etched on the graphite black cover. A mixture of emotions all jumbled up into one heavy, heavy, heart. By then, I would have already opened up a page.

Most times, I hear the Thunder God grumbling in the distance while the floor gave way and I fall.

Like Alice going down the rabbit hole.

falling down,

down,

down.

Except Alice didn't know what was going to happen. I do. And it was enough for Fear to grow in my heart.

It was never the same thing: except for the Hands. Everywhere. Grabbing my limbs, grabbing my hair, grabbing my Soul.

One time it was at the Murky, Inky Lake. I was drowning while the water clings on places the Hands haven't reached; seeping, like blood away from a corpse.

The Fear in me grew and it rose high in the dark sky, it's cloak flapping in the harsh wind. It hovers over me in my helplessness. I would struggle – but more of the Inky Water would cling their wet, sticky goo on my skin.

In the end I would surrender to them - heart, mind and soul - and I would sink deeper into the abyss of the lake.

Sometimes though, The Fear would stay out of sight (leaving its lingering presence) - but The Monsters would come:

The Raengs, an ogre, knowing that I can't fight back even if I could, would beat me up - always leaving me conscious enough to feel the pain. His face remains ugly, emotionless and cold, but sometimes, I would look up from the bloody ground, feeling his salty, silent tears rain down on my wounds – feeling the hiss of the contact between water and flesh – while I cry with him until I fall to unconsciousness.

Then there are the Poinderess. Tiny creatures that floats within the Abyss. I've seen them sometimes, in the real world. Its tail wrapping tightly around one's heart. Sharing their depression with the host. In the Abyss though, they would swarm around me, screeching incessantly until I fall on my knees, ears bleeding, mind fading, another black-out coming.

Another time, I found myself running in a foggy forest. I wouldn't know the reason for the running, only the fact that I just have to.

Fear had settled in me and I trip and fell and continued running, away from the sounds I hear from all around.

I ran my feet bloody, and I finished with zero energy.

But as I lay on the leafy ground, with my heart in my throat and my lungs being choked, the rustling sound grew louder and louder and I could feel my eyes getting larger and my mouth slowly open as I screamed a soundless scream.

That was the time I met the Raiopaans: rat-like beings with a skull for a head – and if you look into the spaces where their eyes should have been, you would be trapped in their never-ending Fear.

They are anxious creatures, with tall rabbit-like ears yet almost deaf. But they're not aware of that – which made them who they are: anxious and paranoid of everything and anything. In the real world, they can be seen sitting on someone's shoulder and whispering in the ears of the host; letting the Raiopaans feed on their anxiety and paranoia.

This time a hoard of them were feeding off of mine.

Its an infinite loop: over and over again. From Creature to Creature. Not remembering how it ended and how I managed to stay alive. Not remembering how I have come in contact with these creatures and know anything about them. Not remembering whether or not I have a reality to come back to.

I'd like to think that everything didn't end with me alone in the hands of the Creatures of The Abyss, I'd like to think that when I'm at my limit, the Splighte Faeries would save me – that Thyia would save me.

Sometimes, rather than the initial dark abyss, the nothingness around me would shimmer, the Book With The Two Ropes Attached hummed, and my heart swells.

The sky would be filled with millions of galaxies. I would reach up and touch one of them and they would shine brighter until they disperse as little faeries. My companions. My little bundles of hope.

Thyia, Goddess of the Splightes would look over me as I play with the faeries. She would gaze at us as we fly together. With tinkling giggles and laughter, the Splightes would surround me and I wouldn't feel scared. I was safe and sound.

Soaring past other galaxies, seeing flashes of happy memories. I would bathe in the warmness of those moments until they waved goodbye and fade away and I find myself in the Nothingness, the place where it all started.

Except this time, I would sense Thyia beside me. And I would smile.

Closing the book, I can feel happiness and contentment flowing in me – I thanked Thyia for that and I bid her farewell, which she answered with a smile of her own and lovingly pats my head.

The place where she touched is warm and I could feel it run down my body like tea from a soaked tea bag. I would feel her hands on my shoulder as she whispered; we'll meet again, so never lose Hope.

I would nod; leaving the book to grow slightly dusty (from Thyia's celestial dust), slightly wrinkly (from the Splightes playful hands); leaving the book that has no backbone, just two thin ropes that ties everything together in one messy bundle, alone in the Nothingness until my next encounter.

Leaving the book with the golden words that are etched on the graphite black cover:

"My Mind"

Labels: attempts in writing, fiction, introvert thoughts, writing