Unsuccessful, declined and withdrawn choices.
Monday, May 5, 2014 | 7:51 PM | 0 flower(s)
But while I was convincing myself that it's too late and I can't do anything about it, the heavy feeling of reality was only just a scratch on the surface - until now. Endless days of saying to myself that I still have time to decline my offers, when it doesn't really matter if I declined it now or later. I was just in denial of the whole situation. Maybe everything is just a dream. A really, really bad dream. Maybe I'll wake up from this nightmare and find myself still in the middle of O level Biology.
I guess it hurts more because every university I applied to offered me places. Its like looking at the most delicious food in the world, and you already had a taste - its right in front of you but you are not allowed to eat it.
And this single click of the button means that there is no turning back; I am pushing away this dish and I can never have any chance of eating nor sniff or taste it; I am accepting that I was never in a bad dream, only horrible reality. It is the scariest thing in my whole life. I want to run away but I can't, I just can't. I have passed up every chance I've stumbled upon and this is the only thing left.
It is incredibly painful than what I have imagined.
It hurts.
Labels: education, life, writing, writing in a spell
You never know regret until you experience it
Monday, August 26, 2013 | 12:09 AM | 0 flower(s)
I have done so many things I have regretted - only to find myself in the same predicament over and over again.
But not anymore. This might sound like an overly used statement in my case but I'm going to keep it this time.
I will not wait for time to do its bidding - I will not wait for fate to unwind itself.
I will make it happen. If I want it, I will do it. If I wish it I will make it.
I have to keep in mind that sometimes, the problem does not lie in me; does not lie in my intellectual capabilities - but (as cheesy as it sounds) the chemistry, the "connection", the "click" between myself and my teachers. They are, of course, not at fault, yet I must not push myself to the corner because I've got no one else to blame other than myself.
Because sometimes, there's just no one to blame. If there is, it will most probably doesn't matter.
I will strive my way to become a better student, with better student qualities to make up all my "missing pieces".
You do not know how grateful I am for my teachers. (Thank gosh Teacher's Day is coming soon) Seeing them see myself as a potential great student is just heart swelling. (Of course, I have only myself to blame to not be able to flourish and be better)
I just need to learn to make their vision come true. Qualifyings are just.... unspeakable. So even a day after it, I'm going to go full speed ahead with my A level revisions!
No more excuses.
Never again.
But not anymore. This might sound like an overly used statement in my case but I'm going to keep it this time.
I will not wait for time to do its bidding - I will not wait for fate to unwind itself.
I will make it happen. If I want it, I will do it. If I wish it I will make it.
I have to keep in mind that sometimes, the problem does not lie in me; does not lie in my intellectual capabilities - but (as cheesy as it sounds) the chemistry, the "connection", the "click" between myself and my teachers. They are, of course, not at fault, yet I must not push myself to the corner because I've got no one else to blame other than myself.
Because sometimes, there's just no one to blame. If there is, it will most probably doesn't matter.
I will strive my way to become a better student, with better student qualities to make up all my "missing pieces".
You do not know how grateful I am for my teachers. (Thank gosh Teacher's Day is coming soon) Seeing them see myself as a potential great student is just heart swelling. (Of course, I have only myself to blame to not be able to flourish and be better)
I just need to learn to make their vision come true. Qualifyings are just.... unspeakable. So even a day after it, I'm going to go full speed ahead with my A level revisions!
No more excuses.
Never again.
Labels: attempts in writing, education, motivation, prep talk, studies, writing